J&J

 

Friday morning started badly with my phone ringing and waking me up at 8:15.  This was ‘alarming’ because my alarm was set for 7 am, and I had to be at work by 9 am.

 I cursed and ran for the shower.  As I tried to brush my teeth and shave at the same time, I thought that I must have had a lot to drink on Thursday night to end up sleeping through my alarm.  I quietly congratulated myself that, although I had obviously gotten drunk, at least I hadn’t brought a girl home on a “school night”.

 As I finished my shower and returned to my room to dress, I noticed some things amiss.  My bed sheets looked like a lot of water had been spilled on them.  On closer inspection I realized that the large wet spots were baby oil. An empty bottle lay on the floor in case there had been any doubt.

 Solving the mystery of the baby oil wasn’t difficult once I spotted the empty tube of KY jelly.

Hmmm… maybe I DID bring a girl home on Thursday night.  In fact, the evidence was mounting up.

I strained my memory, and was dimly aware that there had been a girl here.  But where did she come from?

Although I was dressing for work quickly, the fog was lifting slowly.  Finally I remembered that, after numerous pints of Tiger beer at the Duke of Wellington Pub, I had wandered into Safari at Patpong, and rather quickly struck an arrangement with a girl there.

I don’t know, and I’m sure I’ll never remember her name or number, but I’m guessing she’ll never forget me.  I recalled that when we crawled in bed at my place and started banging bellies, I was so inebriated that I was never going to come.  I used what was left of my KY jelly, and when she complained that it was starting to hurt, I went and got the baby oil.  I obviously used it all, but I know it wasn’t enough. 

I remember a scene through the fog of my memory.  I’d been hammer & tongs for perhaps 45 minutes, and she started crying, and saying it hurt too much, so I stopped what I was doing.  She showered, got dressed and told me she wanted to leave.

I handed her 1,200 baht ~ I had several 1,000 notes but only two hundreds.  She complained, telling me that she wanted 2,000.  In my drunken state, I told her that if she wanted 2,000 baht she needed to get her pants off, get back in bed and keep her legs open until I came.

Not my finest hour.

She left my room; I doubt she will ever return.  She may kill me on the street when she sees me next in Patpong, and perhaps I deserve it.

The main thing I was wondering as I remembered these things was how I managed to keep an erection for so long when I was so drunk.  The mystery was solved when I reached into my pants pocket to retrieve my keys & wallet, and found half of a Viagra in a little plastic pouch.  Apparently, I’d been thinking clearly enough on the way home to stop and buy a little blue pill and bite it in half.  It seems that it kept me up half the night.

 I’m guessing this whole night earns me a “red card” and that I will need to ban myself from Safari for several months.

Two motorcycles and 9 BTS stops later I arrived at work only 5 minutes late, pondering whether or not I had a good time the night before.  I’m guessing I did.