The Miracle Mile

The music stops, the lights come up and it’s time to go home.  Is the night over?  If you’re living in suburban Washington DC then it probably is, but not in Bangkok…  The night is just beginning.

In Bangkok, you’re never sure exactly what time the bar you’re in will close; it depends on the Boys in Brown — Bangkok’s Finest — the local police.  In spite of what the law says, most bars will stay open as late as they can.  That is, they’ll stay open until the police come tell them to close the doors.

Even after the ‘regular’ bars have closed up, there are a variety of after hours venues that somehow manage to ignore laws to the contrary and provide music and dance until the wee hours of the morning.  Hitting these after-hours clubs is always an option.

But there’s another choice as well.  On Sukhumvit Road, between Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy, an entire nightlife scene springs up around midnight and comes into full swing shortly after the bars close.  This is the Miracle Mile.

It has several distinct sections and offers each Western customer one last shot to find the girl of his dreams before stumbling home to bed.

Imagine a punter who has a hotel on Soi 4 (Soi Nana).  He’s been buying drinks all night at Soi Cowboy, but somehow never managed to find his angel.  Suddenly the bar is closed and it’s time to head out.  “Shit” he thinks “I don’t want to waste a night in Bangkok in bed by myself.  I need to get laid!”

The good news is that he still has plenty of opportunity.  There are plenty of working girls who didn’t get a customer tonight, and they’d all like a bit of extra spending money.

First, Soi Cowboy itself.  There are dozens of bars, each employing dozens of dancers and service girls who all hit the street the same time you do.  It’s dark, so you may not be able to see her all that well, but chances are that she’s gonna grab a bite to eat at one of the many food vendors on the street before finding her best friend and heading home.  Smile, say hello, and strike up a conversation.  If she likes you you’re in luck.

There will be hundreds of girls on the street in Soi Cowboy, so your odds are pretty strong.  But maybe you don’t like what you see, or you just can’t make a connection. Don’t worry. The night is young and you’ve only seen the start of the Miracle Mile.

Forty meters from Soi Cowboy, on the corner of Asok Road and Sukhumvit Road you will find two or three outdoor bars with beer and whiskey for sale until sunrise.  Each is manned by a half dozen girls who are there to entertain you.  I’ve often hired one of these lasses at 4 am and generally found them to be good value, offering good sex at low prices.

Of course, the selection is a bit scarce here — only one or two dozen girls — so you may not find one to your liking.  Take your life in your hands and cross Asok Road, and start walking (on the odd-side of the street) towards your hotel. 

As soon as you get past Asok BTS you will reach Soi 19.  Somewhere near here you will see some girls on the street trying to make eye contact with you.  Here, near Soi 15 & 19 the girls are mostly freelancers who are trying to catch some late night action.  You may find one or two small outdoor bars like the one you just left.  If someone strikes your fancy, grab them.

If not, when you reach the front of Robinson’s Department Store you’ll see a group of girls.  With few exceptions, these are hard-core street hookers.  They scare me a little, but maybe they’ll interest you.  I’ve seen a couple of innocent looking girls here over the years, but mostly the girls here have mercenary eyes, and often there are a couple of Katoeys (ladyboys; transsexuals) in the mix.  Not my bag.

As you approach Soi 11, two things will happen.  You’ll find a couple of outdoor food stalls with tables.   There will be some girls here, but if they are sitting down to eat they probably aren’t that motivated to go with you.  The second thing is that you’ll hit some dark, shadowy spots.  For the most part, the tall girls with great bodies you see in these shadowy areas are Ladyboys.  If that’s what you want, great, but if not, stare straight ahead and keep on going.

My favorite stretch of the Miracle Mile comes between Soi 9 and Soi 5.  Here you’ll find many outdoor restaurants, mostly specializing in soup cooked in clay pots over coals.  There will be blind people singing, people selling watches & lottery tickets, as well as others offering to let you set free caged birds (traditionally one way to accrue ‘merit’ in Bhuddist philosophy). 

Oh yeah.  There will also be girls.  Lots of girls.  And punters like you.  The girls include go go dancers, cashiers, waitresses, freelancers and their friends.  They all just finished a night in the bar.  Chances are that they are a bit drunk, and like most people just finishing work they want to unwind a little.  Some of them will already be with customers, some will be with friends, but until you get past Soi 5, very few of them will be alone.  Here it helps to be the friendly, outgoing type. 

Smile.  Say hello.  Make a joke or compliment a girl on being beautiful.  You may end up joining them for some drinks or soup.  Scoring here means hooking up with someone who is probably in a good mood and ready to burn off some excess energy.  I often end up here with local Thai girls before taking them home and tucking them in.

But if you pass all this without grabbing a girl, the road ahead will be filled with serious looking girls standing or sitting in front of the shops.  These girls are working the street and they are anxious to get some action.  You’ll see a number of them outside the Subway shop as far back as Soi 7/1, and then they will appear in clusters as you work you’re way down the street.  I’ve often looked, but never taken one of these girls.  They always look a little too serious or too desperate for me.

If you reach the crosswalk to take you across Sukhumvit Road to Soi Nana, you have almost completed your trip on the Miracle Mile.  From your first step out the front door of Baccara on Soi Cowboy to your present location you have probably passed more than a thousand Thai girls and ladyboys, the majority of whom would have been happy to have sex with you.  You’ve said no to all of it.

But all of this has just been preparation for what is ahead of you.  Soi 4 (Soi Nana) has one of the most amazing late night scenes you will ever witness.  During my first month in Thailand I stood on the corner in front of the Convenience Store one night just after the bars had closed.  There were stunning women on the arms of punters, ladyboys trying to find someone, and drunk ferang trying to decide where to go next in a milieu of sexual tension and confusion.  This alone is worth watching.

But the real entertainment is down the street, across from Nana Entertainment Plaza (NEP), in the parking lot of the Nana Hotel.

Packed into this space you will find hundreds of girls.  Some of them just finished work at NEP, others have come out of the Nana Disco, and many freelancers have come from home or from bars to join the action.  A large percentage of them are ladyboys. 

And among them you will see Western customers trying to find a girl before the sun comes up.  The Golden Dragon Bar is an outdoor venue next to the parking lot.  They continue to sell drinks until the last of the punters and girls have disappeared.

Many times I have grabbed a burger from the cart in front of NEP, a beer from the Golden Dragon, and sat on a step watching the action of frantic punters and anxious girls pairing up.  Everyone is motivated and the action moves fast. 

Because I’m not on holiday I’m often ambivalent about whether or not I get a girl, so I often sit talking and joking with some freelancer, buying her a beer and relaxing.  Meanwhile, the scene in the parking lot is incredible; it reminds me of a school of fish swarming around a handful of food thrown in the water.

So here it is… the end (or the beginning) of the Miracle Mile.  This is your last chance to get a girl before you get to your hotel. 

Of course there’s another choice.  You can turn around and walk the Miracle Mile again.  Who knows, maybe that cutie you spotted on Soi 7 is still there, or maybe you’ll see someone you missed the first time.  I can’t remember how many times I’ve walked up and back before finally taking a girl home as the sun was coming up.

If you’ve never walked the Miracle Mile at three in the morning, you’re missing one of life’s great human meat markets.